"I told myself I wouldn't do this, that it wouldn't come to this. But I've got to stop pretending. I have to stop pretending I can do this, that I'm not scared of anyone or anything, that I'm getting better, that I can be alone." I paused, "I need to talk to you. So, please, come to my house at 4:30 this afternoon." I hung up the phone and leaned back into the couch. I left similiar voicemails for everyone else. Then I waited.
When 4:30 rolled around my house was packed, and all of the seats were taken; the couch, the chairs, the floor, every spot was filled - except one. I hadn't expected Andrew to show up, and he hadn't. I decided not to wait and see if he would show up either.
I looked into the eyes of the people I loved most, my friends and my family - the gang. I didn't think my plans would actually come through, so I was a bit speechless at first. I didn't know where to start, or what to say. I almost thought about telling everyone to go home, expecting them all to laugh at my deep dark secrets, and the fact that I actually needed someone for once. But I took a deep breath and jumped into it.
"Hi, everyone. The Curtis', The Matthews', The Winston's, The Ryder's, The Randle's, The Cade's, The Brumley's...well, the majority of the Brumley's, The Shepard's, and Mark." I sighed, looking around. "You guys, all of you, mean the world to me. I know I've done a lot of bad things to some of you, and I know I've been a bitch and I've fucked up and I'm sorry. But all of you, you're my family. Every single one of you means more to me than you can imagine." I stopped there because I heard the front door open. I turned my attention in the direction of the door and I saw Andrew walk in with some blonde girl on his arm. He smiled and took a seat beside his brothers. I swallowed and continued with what I was saying.
"That's why I wanted you to come here today. You all know about my problems, I don't eat, I'm fucking addicted to pills, I cut myself, I drink too much, I'm a mess. You know I act like I don't give a fuck, like I'm not scared of anything, but I am. I'm so scared of everything, my future, my relationships, money, my job, and so on. I just sit, alone in this house, and I worry. I worry so much that I almost have to take pills, and do drugs, and drink just so I can bear to be awake. Because sometimes it's easier to only be half-aware of the life you're living, especially if it's like mine.
But I don't want to keep living like this anymore. That's where you guys come in. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but just...hear me out, please. I want to change, I want to get better, and I want you guys to help me. Someone take my razors, someone take my pills and the alcohol, and someone make sure I eat 3 meals a day, please. Not a lot of people in my situation ask for help, but that's what I'm doing. I can't do this on my own anymore, I need you guys."
Everyone stayed and talked with me and eventually it was just me, Carson, Dawn, Andrew, the girl he brought, and Kyle. We were talking in the living room and I left to go get some food from the kitchen. When I got in there I noticed that Andrew had followed me.
"I like what you've done with the place." He smiled, trying to make small talk. I nodded and smiled, tapping my fingers on the counter. "So, how have you been? It's been so long since we've talked."
"You know how I've been." I said quietly. "But I'm going to get better."
"Oh yeah? I know you Bre, you'll get better, and then something will happen, and you'll fall again. It happens every time." He shook his head.
"Don't act like you know me." I scoffed. "I'm not the same girl you knew me to be."
"Oh really?" He asked, "You seem like the same girl to me. You're still broken, you're still hurting yourself. You still haven't found someone to fix you."
"But you have. Who is she?" I asked. I could hear my voice crack, right before the tears started down my cheeks.
"She's no one." He shook his head. "Some girl, she means nothing to me. I've only ever loved one girl, Breanna, and that was you."
"Why me?" I asked, trying to look strong despite my tears.
"You opened my eyes, you made me better, you were everything I wasn't. I loved you from the start." He smiled. I shook my head, trying to wrap my mind around what was going on. One minute he was tearing me down, and the next he was confessing his love for me. A knock on the door brought me back to my kitchen, and Andrew. I excused myself to go get it, thankful for the distraction.
I opened the door to find Josh on the front step. "Breanna, hello love. I hadn't heard from you, and decided to drop by. Oh, you have some company, maybe I should just go then.." Josh started back out the door but I stopped him.
"No, come in. It's just some friends, come, come." I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the apartment. I let the door close before walking him into the living room. I sat down on the couch, and Josh sat down next to me.
"Aren't you going to introduce us, Brenan?" Carson asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, silly me. Josh, this is Dawn, Kyle, Carson, Andrew, and what's-her-face." I smiled, "And everyone, this is my boyfriend, Josh."
xoxo, Bren
