keep your hopes up high, and your head down low

I was leaning up against the back of Buck's bar, smoking a cig, when some Soc walked up to me.

"Aren't you on the wrong side of town?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He just scoffed, walking over to me. He placed an arm around my shoulders, and leaned in real close. I could smell his cologne, it filled my lungs, and it was way too strong. I coughed, causing him to back away from me. He scowled and wrapped him arm around my shoulders again, this time he put his hand over my mouth and forcefully dragged me away from the bar. I tried to scream, but my cries for help were muffled underneath his hand. I tried to bite him, but it didn't seem to phase him. I started kicking and squirming, which only made him angrier.

"Stop it, bitch." He ordered at me. I squirmed one more time, then gave up. When he put me down, I would make a run for it. But he didn't put me down. He carried me from Buck's place to a warehouse on the other side of town. He pulled me inside, flipping on a light switch. The warehouse was rather empty, except for a few boxes here and there. He finally put me down, and that's when I tried to make my escape, but it didn't work. His muscular arm came down in front of me, blocking me from moving any further, and hit me in the stomach - hard.

I fell backwards as the air was knocked out of me. He took advantage of this and pulled me off of the ground, gripping my arm tightly. He violently shoved me, and I remembered the knife I had in my pocket. Thank God I had decided to bring it with me tonight. He had me against the wall, and I could feel the cool metal of the warehouse through my shirt. He curled his fingers around the hem of my shirt and pulled upwards, ripping it off of me. He pushed me against the wall even harder as he leaned into me. His lip grazed my collar bone, and I felt an uneasy knot in my stomach. I tried to shove him off, but he had at least 150 pounds on me.

His hands reached for the button on my jeans, and he worked it open, pulling my jeans down my thighs. He pulled me away from the wall, and put his hand on the back of my neck. I glared at him, and he pushed me across the warehouse, making me trip over my jeans. I landed on the concrete floor of the warehouse. I glared up at him as he walked over to me. He leaned over me, reaching for my arm. I slapped his hand, making him even angrier. He grabbed my wrist, and twisted, pulling me off of the floor. I pulled my jeans up with my free hand, and crashed against his chest. He put his hands on my throat, squeezing tightly. I fumbled in my pocket for my knife, and finally grabbed ahold of it.

I pulled it out of my pocket and stabbed him with it. His hold on my neck went slack, and I looked into his eyes, they were dull, and the next thing I know he's on the ground, blood puddling out around him. I gasped, and realized where my knife was protruding. I killed him. I grabbed the knife, and scrambled through my pockets for my phone. I dialed Jamie's number, hoping she picked up.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Jamie...Jamie...oh my God. Jamie." I was gasping and crying and shaking. I was terrified. I didn't want to go to jail.

"Brenan, where are you? What happened? Calm down." Jamie ordered.

"I'm in some warehouse on the other side of town. Some Soc tried to...I killed somebody Jamie." I whispered, shaking. I wiped some tears from my cheeks, and looked for my shirt. I noticed it on the floor, it had a big hole in it.

"YOU WHAT?!" She screamed.

"I didn't mean to, it was an accident, and he was trying to molest me and oh my God James, I'm scared to death. I don't know what to do." I started crying harder.

"Call Kyle. He'll help you." Jamie sighed.

"Okay," I cleared my throat and hung up the phone. I dialed Kyle's number, and looked around anxiously until he answered.

"What's up?" I heard him say.

"Kyle, it's me, Bren." My voice cracked and I started crying again.

"Bre, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked. I heard people in the background and I figured he was with some friends.

"Can you come to the warehouse on the other side of town? Like, now? Oh, and bring me a shirt, please." I asked, getting scared more and more each second.

"I'll be there in 10." I heard him say before hanging up.

10 minutes later Kyle strolled into the warehouse, with a shirt in one hand. He didn't notice the body until he was closer to me. I heard him curse under his breath as he quickened his pace. He looked at me once before handing me the shirt. I slipped it on over my head, but continued to shake.

"Bre, calm down, it'll be okay. I'll take care of everything." Kyle wrapped an arm around my shoulders, holding me against his side. "Want to explain what happened?"

"I was behind Buck's place, smoking after a game of pool, when this guy walked up to me. He grabbed me and carried me here. He tried to...you know, and then I stabbed him. I didn't mean to kill him." I started crying. I felt so vulnerable.

"Come on, help me get him to my car. We can keep him someplace until early, and then we can bury him." Kyle sighed, grabbing ahold of the guys legs. I grabbed his arms and we lifted him off the floor. Getting him to the car was easy, it was getting him in the trunk that was hard. We finally did it though, and Kyle drove us to Buck's place. He ran inside and quickly explained to Buck what had happened, and asked if we could keep him in the storage room for an hour or two. Buck and Kyle took him into the storage room, and when they were done, Kyle and I sat at the bar until around 3.

We took the body out to the country, and buried him there. The whole ride home Kyle kept asking if I was okay.

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to stay here tonight?" Kyle asked. We were sitting in front of my apartment, and I was playing with the hem of the shirt Kyle had given me.

"You can if you want." I whispered, looking up at him. He smiled at me, and stood up. I stood up, too, fishing the key out of my pocket.

I unlocked the front door and walked inside, with Kyle following me.

"Bre, it's going to be okay. No one's going to find out. It'll be our little secret, okay?" Kyle smiled, leaning against the kitchen counter. I nodded, and hoped he was right.

xoxo, Bren.

hoping for the best, but expecting the worst

I walked with Jamie to Buck's place, listening as she chatted on and on about Vince. I started to tune her out when Buck's place came into view. I saw a few people in the gang outside the door, smoking. As I got closer I realized it was Andrew, Dallas, Luke, Kyle, and some girl that was hanging all over him.
"Happy Birthday Bre," Kyle smiled, nodding in my direction. I nodded back, biting my lip. The others told me Happy Birthday, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy giving the girl Kyle brought dirty looks. Jamie noticed and took me inside. I noticed everyone else in the gang was inside, drinking and having a good time. They all noticed me and yelled Happy Birthday.
I didn't really drink much, I was too distracted. I was in the middle of my first drink when someone's arm was thrown around my shoulders. I turned to see one Kyle Brumley.
"Happy Birthday Bre," He smiled at me, hugging me.
"You already said that." I laughed, blushing. Why was I blushing?
"I can't say it twice?" He asked, smiling wider.
"Nope," I joked, shaking my head.
"Too bad, I do what I want." He laughed.
"No, you do what I tell you to do." I joked again.
"Yeah right, bitch. More like the other way around." He smiled down at me, then he looked over to his left and excused himself.
I watched him walk away, looking for whoever he brought tonight. Suddenly Jamie was in front of me.
"Bre." She smiled.
"Jamie, what do you want?" I asked, feeling sad.
"I just saw you and Brums, what's going on there?" She asked, sitting next to me on a stool.
"Nothing, he doesn't like me like that." I shook my head.
"How do you know?"
"I don't, I'm assuming."
"Why don't you find out for sure?" Jamie smirked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, a little scared.
"Kiss him." She winked.
"No, no, no. He'll hate me forever." I shook my head.
"I doubt it." Jamie smiled, "You've kissed before, haven't you?"
"Yeah...but it was different then." I shook my head. "You don't understand."
"Yes I do, you liiiiiiike him." Jamie scoffed, smiling.
"Shut up. Someone might hear you." I rolled my eyes. We talked for a little while, until everyone started playing a game that was a mix of truth or dare and spin the bottle. We sat in a circle, and it was in boy-girl-boy-girl order. So Kyle was on my right, while Luke sat on my left. Jamie was sitting across from me in the circle, an evil smile on her face.
Everytime Jamie spun the bottle I hoped it didn't land on me, because either way she could make me either confess my feelings, or kiss Kyle. I've never been a lucky person, like..ever. So I wasn't too surprised when Jamie spun and it landed on me.
"Truth or dare, Bre?" Jamie smirked. I thought about it, and chose dare. "I dare you...to kiss Kyle." I looked over at Kyle, who happened to be sitting next to me, and hoped he was drunk like everyone else so he wouldn't remember this.
I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as he moved closer to me. I looked into his eyes, and hated that we had to kiss like this, over a dare. I bit my lip and looked over at Jamie, who was smiling smugly. I quickly pressed my lips to Kyle's before pulling away and sitting the way I was, but Kyle was staring at me. Jamie rolled her eyes at me as I smiled.
I spun the bottle, watching as it landed on Johnny, who picked truth. The game continued on as if nothing had happened. I tried to act like it was no big deal as I looked over at Kyle, who had his attention elsewhere. I smiled, wishing I hadn't pulled away so quickly.

Bren xoxo

i'm taking one step towards you, baby

I sighed and walked out into the fresh air, I was finally free from that hell-hole hospital. I had started eating again. As much as I hated it, I wanted out. I got a cab back to my place, got my things together, loaded up my car, and made my way back to Yale to see Jamie. It took forever, but I finally got there. I ran to Jamie's dorm and knocked on the door. She opened it up, her eyes getting wide as she saw me.
"Bre, what are you doing here? I thought you were in the hospital in Tulsa! When did you get out?!" She screamed, hugging me.
"Earlier today, actually." I laughed, scratching my head. "I came here as soon as I was let out."
I looked around the room, noticing her roommates were not there.
"I can't believe they let you out." Jamie shook her head, smiling.
"I started eating." I shrugged, acting like it was no big deal.
"WHAT?!" She screamed, hugging me. "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE NOW!"
"Jamie, chill." I laughed, getting her off of me.
"Whoa, what's going on in here?" I heard a guy ask. Jamie and I looked towards the door. It was Mason and some guy I didn't know. "We heard someone screaming and came to check it out."
"That was Jamie." I pointed, laughing. Jamie just gave me a look, and I stopped.
"Vince, what are you doing here?" Jamie asked.
"I came to ask you out on a date." Vince winked at Jamie. I could tell she didn't want to, so I decided to speak up.
"How about a double date? You and James, Mason and I." I offered, looking over at Jamie. She gave me a small smile and I knew I had done her a favor.
"Sure, I'm fine with it." Mason shrugged. Vince nodded and then both of the guys left, giving us time to get ready. I went to my car and got my bags while Jamie showered. By the time I had everything in the room she was out of the shower, so I got in and cleaned up. She was done fixing her hair by the time I got out of the shower. I fixed my hair while she picked out an outfit. By the time I was done fixing my hair she had an outfit on and was starting to help me pick out an outfit. I made Jamie wear a dress, while I wore a pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and a jacket. Once we were dressed, we both brushed our teeth and by the time we were ready, it was about 30 minutes before the guys said they'd show up. So Jamie and I decided to catch up.
"So, who's this Vince fellow?" I asked, folding some shirts.
"Some jackass I met one night when I was drunken," She sighed, playing with her phone. I guessed she was talking to someone back home.
"Cute," I laughed, putting my suitcase back on the floor. We talked about nonsense until the boys came back to our room at 7:00.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vince and Mason took us to a very nice restaurant. Jamie and I sat beside each other, while Vince and Mason sat across from us. Mason kept trying to play footsie with me, but I ignored him. I had more important things on my mind. We ordered our food and ate, Vince and Jamie flirted, and I think by the end of dinner, Jamie was actually starting to like him.
Vince and Jamie drove back to the campus, but Mason insisted on walking me back.
"So where have you been for the past couple of weeks?" Mason asked, looking over at me as we walked.
"The hospital." I answered, not looking at him.
"What? Why?" He asked, concerned.
"I attempted suicide, and I hadn't eaten anything in the past couple months." I shrugged like it was no big deal, which it kinda wasn't.
"Why would you do that?" He asked.
"It's a long story, and I really don't have time to tell it to you." I wanted to get away from him, but I didn't know my way around this place. We finally made it to the dorm building, and I thought I could get away from him. I was mistaken. He moved closer to me, pushing me up against the side of the building. He was leaning in to kiss me but I pushed him away. "Get off Mason."
"What the hell Bre?" He asked, trying to kiss me again.
"Stop it," I pushed him away again. "I don't like you, I have feelings for someone else."
"What do you mean, someone else?" Mason asked, giving up on trying to kiss me - thank God.
"I mean, I don't like you - like that. I like someone else, I have for a while now. I was wrong to lead you on, I'm sorry." I walked into the building, up the stairs, and to Jamie's dorm. The door was locked so I figured she was busy doing something. I walked back down the stairs and out into the night air. I decided to go for a walk. I walked down to the little bakery down the street and went inside.
There weren't many people inside, and most of them were old couples. I got a seat by one of the windows and watched the people inside the shop. I watched a little old man and his little old wife share a cupcake. I smiled a little, but stopped when I felt like a creep. So I looked at a different couple. An old man and woman were holding hands and smiling at each other. I got tired of people watching pretty soon, so I got up and walked to the counter, ringing a little bell.
A girl about my age came to the counter, smiling. "How may I help you?" She asked.
"Urm, can I have a cupcake?" I asked, getting my wallet out of my purse. She nodded and got a cupcake out for me. I gave her the money for it, and then thanked her, taking my cupcake with me.
I started my walk back to Jamie's dorm. I tore little pieces out of my cupcake, and nibbled on them. It was better than not eating at all. I looked down at it as I passed under a street light. It was chocolate, and there were little candy hearts on it. I felt sick.
I wrapped the cupcake back up and ran the rest of the way to Jamie's dorm. I ran up the stairs and to her door. This time it was unlocked. I walked inside, throwing my purse on the floor.
"Hey Bre, where have you been?" She asked, then she looked down at my hand. "What's that?"
"It's a cupcake, you want it?" I asked, tossing it to her. She caught it and opened it, smiling. "I went to the bakery after Mason tried to kiss me."
"I thought you liked him." Jamie said, a little confused.
"HA! You're funny James, you know I don't like anyone right now." I laughed, taking my shoes off. Jamie just winked at me, and I took that as she knew I was lying. Of course she knew. She knows everything. That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets.
I got ready for bed, and then made fun of Jamie for eating that cupcake. Finally, she got ready to sleep, but not before telling me about her night with Vince ;)

Love, Brenan♥

Sick Sad World

I got my last bag out of my car and took it into my apartment, putting it down in my room. I started to unpack everything, putting it all back to the way it was before I left. I came across my razors while I was unpacking, and I felt the sudden urge to use them. I laid them all out, my little rectangular one, my long slender one, and one I had taken out of a box cutter. I finished putting my things away, and then picked up my razors, taking them into the bathroom. I stepped on my scale, looking down to see how much I weighed. 80 pounds.
I groaned and got off my scale, pushing it as far away from me as I could. I hated it. It always told me I was too fat. I looked in the mirror, lifting up my shirt so I could look at my stomach. I was so fat. I looked at my face, revolted at how hideous I am. I took a towel and threw it over the mirror, blocking it from my view. My scale and my mirror were like constant reminders of how I would never be skinny, or pretty, or perfect.
I got out my razors, staring at them. I smiled as the light bounced off of them. I laid them down on my bathroom counter, taking a seat on the counter beside them. I criss-crossed my legs, and picked one of the razors up. I put it against my forearm, where I usually cut.
Then I dropped it. I knew I shouldn't cut, I knew it was bad. But lately it hadn't really even been about making me feel better about my problems. It was more about the fact that I felt like I had to. Like something inside of me was craving this. The feel of the blade on soft, clean skin. The sharp, familiar pain the razor brought. The bright red blood that oozed out of the cut and down my arm. Standing out against the pale skin of my arm, like a bright light in a black room.
My fingers were itching to hold the blade again, my skin was craving to be cut. I swallowed hard and picked up the blade I got from a box cutter, and put it up to my arm. Then I thought of something, and moved the blade down to my wrist. I positioned it in the nice crease in my skin that was made from where my skin bunches together when I turn my hand towards me. I had cut there before. I had a scar from when I had done it, too. I had had to go to the hospital because I sliced my vein open.
I figured if I did it again, I would probably die. So I pressed the blade down into the crease, and moved my arm quickly. A sharp stinging pain, and beads of blood were all that was left to show that the blade had even been there. I looked down at my wrist, it was barely bleeding. I hadn't cut deep enough. So I put the blade back in the same spot on my wrist, quickly moved it once more, and stared at my wrist. A deep cut was visible, and blood was running down my arm. I smiled to myself, and laid the blade on the counter. That was the last thing I did before passing out.

Love,
Brenan. xoxo
(x's = hugs, o's = butterfly kisses)

Hannibal and Karl, Two Unexpected Lovers.

So, over the past two days, Hannibal and I have gotten married. Now we live very successful lives. I am the host of a very popular talk show, called Karl. And Hannibal has a very wonderful modeling career. We are extremely happy with each other, and we are in love. We aren't thinking about kids right now, but we probably will later on in life. We reside in the beautiful hills of California. Hit us up.
Dear Hanni, I love you so fucking much. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what I would do without you. I'm so glad you chose me over that faggot, Dimitri. Love, Karl.

Love, Karl.

You Are My Only One

I woke up, sweat was dripping off of my forehead, making my bangs stick to the sides of my face. I sighed and pushed them away, got out of the bed, and went into the bathroom to look at myself. I looked at the clock first, 1 A.M.. I groaned and washed my face, there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, I wouldn't be able to. I had yet another nightmare. That's my seventh since I've been here.
I was a trainwreck. I was still losing weight, yet my mind was still telling me I was fat. Not to mention, I was cutting again. I looked in the mirror, picking out my flaws. My thighs were too big, my face was hideous, I was too fat. I ran my fingers over the cuts on my left arm. I turned away from the mirror, ashamed of myself. I put on a hoodie and grabbed my phone, then left to go find Mason.
He had become a good friend of mine, and ever since I started having nightmares he was there for me. I knocked on the door to his dorm, but no one answered. I knocked again, still no one answered, so I got the spare key and unlocked the door, walking into the room. There was one bunk bed, and two small single beds in the room. There were clothes all over the floor, and it smelled like cologne. I found Mason's bed and sat down on it. It barely shifted under my 90 pound body. I shook Mace awake.
He opened his eyes and looked at me, he just nodded knowingly and got up. He threw on a pair of sneakers and we headed out of the dorm. Every time I had a nightmare we went down to this little coffeeshop that was just up the street from the campus. We would sit in the booth in the front of the shop, and drink coffee. Today was no different.
I sat down in the booth while Mace went to get the coffee. He came back and set the coffee's down on the table, then flipped his blonde hair out of his eyes and smiled at me, sitting down.
"So, what was it about this time?" He asked, putting some creamer and sugar in his coffee. I closed my eyes and thought about it. All I could see was his face.
"I can't remember," I lied, putting sugar in my coffee. He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Really?" He laughed. I just smiled back and sipped on my coffee, staring out the window. The rest of the morning was spent in silence. At 6:00, when the sun started coming up, we headed back to the dorms.
"Thanks Mace," I smiled, standing in front of the door to Jamie's dorm. "For everything."
"Hey, no problem Bre." He smiled, pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back, but let go quickly.
"I should probably get inside..." I mumbled, opening the door and walking in. I didn't look to see if Mace was still there, I just slammed the door shut. The girl's were already up, so it didn't matter.
"Hey Bre, where were you?" Jamie asked, walking out of the bathroom.
"I went to get coffee." I replied, sitting down on the bed.
"Bre, are you okay?" Jamie asked, sitting beside me. It was such a simple question. But I couldn't answer it, because I wasn't fine, but I wasn't about to tell Jamie that.
"Yeah, just tired." I nodded, getting under the covers and pretending to fall asleep.
I waited for everyone to leave before I went through my bag, I was about to give up until I found it, I pulled out the ring and stared at it. I felt my heart contract as I held back tears. I choked once before I gave up and let the tears roll down my cheeks.
I curled up in a ball and just cried. I thought about how he was back in Tulsa, and how he probably had a new girlfriend that treated him right, and how he probably didn't even remember me. I thought about how I was sitting here, crying, because I couldn't forget him. Because I didn't really mean anything to him, but he was everything to me. I let myself get attatched too easily. I'm my own worst enemy.
So I sat there, all day, letting myself recall every little memory, to the point where I was using every bit of my energy to cry, and then eventually, when I was out of energy, I would fall asleep. But I knew I would wake up soon, due to another nightmare.

Love, Breanna Lynn Parker.

I Hate This Town, It's So Washed Up And All My Friends Don't Give A Fuck

5 days. It had been 5 days since I had been in the hospital. I was bored out of my mind, no one came to visit, and the nurses gave me dirty looks. One of them even lectured me on not eating, and how it got me into this mess. It went a lot like this:
"I bet you wish you would've eaten now, don't you? Here you lay, dying. While all of your friends are out enjoying their lives, and not caring about you." She scoffed.
"My friends care." I whispered, I didn't have a lot of energy to talk.
"Oh really? Don't you think that if they cared they would be here, visiting you?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. She was an older woman. She was obviously bitter.
"Well..." I trailed off. She had me there. If my "friends" did care, they'd be here. But I knew I didn't have any friends anymore. After all the shit I'd done to them, they all hated me now, like they should. I didn't blame them. She put a food tray and a drink down on the little table by my bed and then walked out of the room. I took the top off of my food tray and examined it, grilled cheese and french fries.
I didn't touch it, I simply put the lid back on and got out of bed. I slowly made my way to the bathroom, grabbing my clothes from a shelf. I didn't have a lot of energy, so it took me a little while, but I made it out of the hospital without anyone noticing. They should really do their jobs better, those nurses.
I got a cab, told him my address, and then watched the familiar streets of Tulsa go by as we made our way to my apartment. I paid the cabbie and got out of the cab, I heard him drive away as I made my way up to my door. I saw Pierce and some girl kissing outside of his apartment. I rolled my eyes and opened my door. The first thing I noticed was the mess. The second thing I noticed were all of the empty pill bottles on the counter. Oh god, did I really take that many pills? I ran up to my room, and got out my suitcase. I stuffed all of my clothes in it, got all the shit I needed, put Theo in his cage and then took him and everything else to my car.
I got in the drivers seat and backed out of my parking space. I sped all the way out of Oklahoma. I was leaving it and all of it's depressing shit behind, and going to see Jamie at Yale.

It took forty fucking years, but I finally made it to Yale. I parked my car, and then made my way to the admissions office. Some old man was sitting at the desk, looking bored.
"How may I help you?" He asked, not looking up from a stack of papers.
"I'm looking for Alexandra Mathews." I smiled, leaning over the counter thing.
"Ma'am, we don't do that here. We only enroll students." The man looked up.
"Come on dude, I know you know where her dorm is!" I whined, running a hand through my hair. He sighed and gave me her dorm number. I thanked him and then left to go to her dorm.
I found the building she was in, went inside, figured out how the fucking number system works, and then made my way to her room. I ran up to her door and knocked as loud as I could, which was pretty loud.
Some blonde chick opened the door, "Hello?" She asked.
"Is Jamie here?" I asked, fixing my satchel. She turned around and yelled for Jamie. I bounced on my feet until Jamie came into my sight.
I immediately threw my arms around her. "ALEXANDER! I MISSED YOU!" I yelled in her ear. She pushed me away and complained about how much her ear hurt.
"Ow Bre, that really hurt." She whined. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"You'll get over it, bro." I smiled, following her into her dorm.
"So, what exactly are you doing here, Bren?" Jamie asked, sitting on what I guessed was her bed.
"Well, Tulsa sucks dick. So I came to see you. I snuck out of the hospital, so you should feel loved." I smiled.
"What!? Why were you in the hospital?!" Jamie yelled.
"Oh you know, the norm. Not eating. Apparently I'm dying, I probably shouldn't be here." I laughed, sitting down next to her. "But here I ammmmm."
"You're retarded." Jamie sighed, smiling at me. I stuck my tongue out at her. "OH! by the way, this is Emma, and...here comes Shelby." Jamie said, introducing me to her roommates. "Shayla's around here somewhere..." Jamie trailed off. Then a ginger walked into the room, and Jamie smiled. "There she is!"
We sat around and talked for a while, until Jamie brought up my stuff. So we went down to the parking lot and got my things. "Jesus Bre, how much did you bring?!" Jamie asked, grabbing a suitcase.
"Uhhh, everything?" I smiled, grabbing two bags and handing one to Shayla. Shelby and Emma each took one and then I got Theo. We walked back to the dorm, and discussed living arrangements.
"I guess you'll have to share with me, Bre." Jamie sighed, sitting my bag down in the room.
"Suh-weet!" I smiled, hugging her. "Did I ever tell you you're the best friend ever?" I smiled. She rolled her eyes and laughed. I think it'll be nice living here for a while, maybe I won't die.

Love, Bren.

Before You Go, Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More?

I grabbed a jug of apple juice out of the fridge, slammed the door shut, and then started chugging my juice. I put the lid back on the half-empty bottle and left it on the counter. I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom, grabbing a bottle of pain-killers on the way. I read the label, not really letting the information soak in.
I twisted the lid and dropped 7 or 8 pills into my hand, I can't even remember now. It could've been more, it probably was. I swallowed them and then continued on with what I was doing, finishing the journey to my room. I took off my baggy sweats and my now ten-sizes-too-big t-shirt. The funny thing was, the shirt fit me just a month or two ago. Maybe it got stretched out.
I put on a new pair of jeans, that fit my now stick-like legs. I put on a tank-top and threw a sweatshirt on over top of it. I made my way back to the stairs, I started to get dizzy about half way down, so I stopped and tried to balance myself. The last thing I actually remember was falling down the stairs, and then it was all black for a long time.

When I woke up I was in a dark room, and I was hooked up to something. I noticed I was in one of those ugly hospital gowns. You know the ones that aren't connected in the back, except for a few strings, so the whole world can see your 'lovely' ass. I heard people talking outside of my door, and then heard the knob turn, so I pretended to be asleep again.
"...She's dying." I heard a man say, I assumed he was the doctor.
"Can't you save her?" Someone asked. I couldn't recognize the voice. I didn't really care. I had pushed everyone in my life away, I didn't have anyone anymore. So who could care if I was on my deathbed? Who would be that fucking stupid?
"I'm sorry, I don't think we can. She's been living on pills and apple juice for the past few months. She's run her body down. The pills have been eating at her stomach, she's going to die." The doctor stated. I could hear it in his voice, I was close to death. On the verge. I probably wouldn't make it a few more days.
"You have to save her!" The person yelled, and then I heard something crash. Then it was quiet. No one was in the room anymore when I opened my eyes. I was all alone. I had gotten used to it, over the past few months. Being alone, that is. No one really came around that much anymore, I don't blame them though. I laid in bed, thinking.
I was going to die, and from the way the doctor said it I knew I was going to die soon. I didn't cry, or get scared. I just laid there. I knew somewhere inside of me, I was terrified, because I was shaking. But then again, I could've just been cold. I was hoping for the first one, I didn't want to die. I think that in my mind, I was holding on to that it's-too-crazy-and-insane-to-be-true-so-I-must-have-dreamt-it-thing.
I looked down at my IV, and took it out. I was dying anyways, it didn't really matter. Like the doctor said, they can't do anything to save me.

Breanna.

This Contagious Chemistry Is Killing Me

I downed my second beer and headed towards Dawn and some guy on the dance floor. I realized once I was standing next to them that it was Pierce. "Oh hey Bren!" Dawn smiled, dancing. I saw Pierce wink at me, and I felt my face flush with anger.
"Can I talk to you for a second, Breanna?" Pierce asked, grabbing my arm and walking me to a secluded corner in the bar. "I miss you, like hell." He whispered, getting close to me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Yeah, well I don't miss you." I pushed him away.
"I was only with your friend to make you jealous." He admitted, getting a beer off of a table nearby. He opened it and chugged it.
"You are such an asshole, you know that, right? I hate you." I snapped, trying to walk away from him. He grabbed onto my arms and pushed me against the wall.
"Now that's not true, Breanna. You love me." He slurred, trying to be seductive. I pulled my arm away from him and then slugged him in the face. Once he was out of my way I went over to Dawn.
"I'm not mad at you, don't worry." I smiled, before leaving the bar. I took a beer to go and walked down the street. Soon enough both sides of the road were surrounded by big houses, and fancy cars. I heard someone walking behind me, and turned to see Bob and Randy.
"Aren't you a little far from home, grease?" Randy asked, letting the acid seep into his words. I swallowed and dropped my now empty beer can.
"Just..leave me alone. I don't want any trouble." I mumbled, turning and running away. It wasn't the best move on my part, but I couldn't think straight. Soon enough they had me tackled to the ground. I felt a warm hand slide up my shirt, and looked down to see it was Bob's, I told him to stop, but he wouldn't. I tried to get away but stopped when I felt a blade cut my stomach. I screamed out in pain, and looked down. A long line of dark red blood was running down my stomach onto the pavement. Bob smiled down at me, "Let's see how much Tyler likes you now." He laughed.

Love, Brenan.

He's Just Better Than You

"So, uh, how much of that did you hear?" Ty asked, looking me up and down. God, he was cute. His hair was shaggy and blond, and it fell into his blue eyes. He looked like one of those guys out of fairy tales, you know, like Prince Charming. The sun was shining on him and his hair created like a halo around his head, and I thought he was some sort of fallen angel or something. I was having a hard time thinking of what to say back to him, but I quickly looked away so I could think straight.
"All of it. Well the part where Johnny asked if you fancied anyone. And Johnny, who the hell says fancy? Oh, and I heard the part about me." I kind of whispered the last part, a little embarrassed. I looked down so he couldn't see me blush.
"I'm just gonna go try to find Pony. Bye guys!" Johnny smiled before running away. I suddenly got very self conscious, since it was just me and Ty. What if he thought I was fat? Or ugly? Or that I talked too much? I suddenly got very worried about what Ty thought about me. I had only talked to the guy once, at Soda's party, and it wasn't like we were dating so he couldn't break up with me or anything, just stop liking me. He leaned against the building like I was and started talking.
"So you heard what I said about you..." He trailed off, kicking a rock. I looked up at him.
"Yeah, but it was sweet...or at least I thought so." I smiled. I heard a car pull up and turned to see Pierce's beat up old car. "That's my ride, I'll see you later...okay?" I smiled at Ty. He nodded and I walked over to Pierce's car. I didn't want to though, I wanted to stay and talk to Ty, get to know him and stuff like that.
"Hey babe, who was that guy?" Pierce asked as I got in the car. I leaned back in his seat and put one of my feet on the dash. I looked over at him and smiled.
"Just a guy I'm friends with, don't worry about it, okay?" I smiled, leaning over and kissing him. We weren't officially dating or anything, and he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend, we just hung out a lot...and kissed.
"I wanna know who it was, you weren't doing anything with him...were you?" Pierce asked, driving away from the DX. I looked out the window, and thought about how stupid of a question of that was.
"Of course not, we're just friends." I replied, still looking out the window.
"Well he looked like he wanted to do things to you." Pierce said, making a sharp turn that made me slide in my seat and hit the door. I sat back in my seat and just stared at Pierce. He had been acting like a bit of an ass lately, and I knew why. He had gotten a letter from the state that said he wasn't allowed to take care of his sister, and he had been angry about it ever since.
"Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Maybe I want to do things to him." I replied, not even thinking about what I was saying. I immediately regretted it when Pierce slammed on the brakes and looked at me.
"What?" He asked, he was clearly furious.
"Pierce, I didn't - " But he cut me off, he reached across the car and slapped me. I held onto my face where he had hit me, it burned a little, but he didn't hit me that hard. I opened the car door and got out, slamming it shut. I didn't even turn around to look at him, I just walked back to my apartment.
"Why do I always pick the assholes?" I mumbled to myself as I reached my apartment, Pierce's car was already parked in front of his door. I sighed and walked inside, slamming the door. I picked up Theo and walked up to my room, I watched a little bit of TV and checked Facebook. Then I decided to do something bold, I picked up my phone and called Soda. I asked him all I needed to know, got my car keys, and then followed the directions Soda had given me. I pulled up in front of a small house, it was definitely a place where a grease would live. I sat in my car for a few minutes, debating on whether or not this was a good idea. I built up the courage, got out, and walked up to the front porch. I reached out and knocked on the door. A few seconds later a very cute blond boy opened the door. I looked up at him and smiled, he smiled back. "Hi Ty."

Love, Brenangelo.

There's No One To Tell You Everything's Fucked, So Just Keep Smiling

One-night stands. They're the best thing in the world, unless it happens to you. Thank God it's never happened to me :). I woke up next to a very attractive guy who was in his early 20's. He was still fast asleep so I quickly got dressed and left his hotel room. I went back to the hotel that me and Kyle were staying at and went up to our room. He was awake and watching TV.

"Get your shit together, I told Jamie we would come home for her birthday." I told him. So we got our stuff together and left.

We got back to Tulsa a few hours later, and Kyle dropped me off at my house. I put my stuff up, and then got in my car. I drove to the old strip club that I used to work at. I went inside and walked back to the managers office. I knocked on the door and the manager answered. "Well hello Breanna!" He smiled, welcoming me in. "Let's cut to the chase, I was wondering if I could get another job here..." We discussed that and I got my old job back.

On the way out of the club I ran into someone. I looked up at the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen. "I'm so sorry." I apologized. "It's okay, it was totally my fault. I was distracted." He admitted. "Uh, hi, I'm Breanna." I stuck my hand out. "I'm Pierce." He laughed, shaking my hand. "Where ya headed to?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets. "I was just on my way out, I'm going home." I replied, looking at the ground. "I'll walk you home, a pretty thing like you could get jumped, we wouldn't want that." He laughed. We started walking to my apartment, talking about anything and everything on the way.

"Wait, you live here?" He asked, pointing to my apartment building. I nodded. "Holy shit, I live here, too. Right over there." He smiled, pointing a few doors down from mine. "Really?" I laughed, "How weird." We sat outside and talked for a few minutes until a school bus pulled up and dropped a little girl off. She ran over to Pierce and gave him a hug.

"Who's this?" I asked, smiling. "My little sister, Cadee. Say hi to Bre, Dee." He smiled, ruffling her hair. She whispered hi and I said hey back. She was adorable. "I should probably go in..." I trailed off, standing up and unlocking my door. "Hey Bre, why don't you come over later? We can talk some more." Pierce smiled. I smiled back and agreed to come over.

At around 6:00 I decided it was a good time to go to Pierce's apartment. I knocked on the door and he answered. He had a spoon in his hand, and an embarassed look on his face. "Hey Bre, come in. Sorry it's such a...mess..." He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. "It's fine," I laughed. We walked in the kitchen where I could see macaroni on the table next to Dee. She was working on 3rd grade math and eating a big plate full of mac&cheese. "Look who it is Dee." Pierce smiled, putting the spoon in the sink. "Hi Bre!" She smiled, moving over so I could sit next to her. I sat down and watched her work on math while she told her brother about her day. "Are there any cute guys in your grade?" I laughed. She looked up and blushed. "His name is Cameron." She whispered. "Did you hear that Pierce, your sister has herself a little crush." I smiled, turning to look at Pierce. "Absolutely not." He smiled, wrapping an arm around me. "Why not?!" Dee asked, giving him a puppy dog face. "You're too young." He smiled. "So are youuuu." Dee pointed at Pierce and I. "I think it's time for bed Dee, come on." Pierce said, standing and picking Dee up. He carried her into her room. A few minutes later he called my name. "Yeah?" I asked, walking into the room. "She wants us to read her a bedtime story." He laughed, scooting over on her bed so I could sit next to him. I listened while he read her a story, soon she fell asleep and we left her room. We sat on his couch and talked. "My parents are god knows where, I'm all she's got, I can't let her down. She needs me, ya know?" He said, running a hand through his hair. I had asked him why it was just him and Dee. "Yeah, I know." I nodded, grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers. I curled up next to him, and started to tell him about what went down with me and Mark and our parents. "Hey Bre?" Pierce asked after a few minutes of silence. "Yeah?" I asked. "You can stay here if you want." Pierce laughed. I smiled and we got up. He walked me to his room and I laid down on his bed, he got in next to me after he got ready for bed. He handed me some clothes and a toothbrush. "Here, so you can sleep in something other than jeans and a sweatshirt, and I thought you might want to brush your teeth." He laughed. I got up and went into the bathroom. I changed into the boxers and t-shirt and then brushed my teeth. I put my hair in a loose pony tail and then laid next to Pierce in the bed. "Goodnight Bre." He whispered. "Goodnight Pierce." I whispered back, curling up next to him.

Love,

Brenangelo. <3

LAME AS SHIT POST. :]

Solar Flare Homicide

I got up off my ass when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to reveal one Kyle Brumley. I stepped aside and let him in. "Hey Bre, how are you?" He asked, walking into the kitchen. "Got any food?" He asked, looking through my cabinets, but they were empty. "Guess not." He shrugged.
"What do you want, Kyle?" I asked, running a hand through my hair. "I'm bored out of my mind," He smiled, "Wanna go somewhere with me?" I shrugged, "Depends on where we're going." "Seattle?" He smiled. I agreed to go, because it was something to do, and I hadn't done much the past two weeks. "Awesome!" He smiled.
We got our shit together, and then got in his car. The drive to Seattle was long, and uber boring. I slept most of the way, until Kyle woke me up after an hour or two. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "Come on Bre, we need to eat." He smiled, getting out of the car. I just closed my eyes again, but then he opened my door. The cold breeze attacked my bare legs. "Shut the door, turd." I sighed. "No, you're going to eat, you can't keep starving yourself. Now come on." He argued, pulling me out of the car. He walked with me into a McDonald's. "Really Kyle? McInedible? Do you want to kill me?" I asked, laughing a little. "Shut up and order something, I'm starving." He laughed.
I got a kids meal, mostly for the toy. It was some sort of action figure. I nibbled on my fries and took a few bites out of my burger. "There, I ate." I smiled. Kyle shook his head and finished his fries. I don't know what he got, but there was a lot of it, and he ate every single bite. When he was done we got back in the car and headed to Seattle.
I played with my action figure until Kyle took it away and told me to go to sleep, I think he was just jealous of my super cool toy. Jerk.
When I woke up the second time, we were in Seattle and Kyle was explaining to me that we were going to a concert. "....I bought the tickets like a month ago, as a surprise for you." was all I heard.
"What?" I asked. "We're going to see All Time Low." Kyle smiled. "As much as I hate them, I'll put up with them for tonight." He laughed. I fought the urge to kiss him, that was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me. "But, we're going to see Emmure, too." He winked. "I knew there was a catch," I rolled my eyes. So, pretty much, we're in Seattle, kicking back and relaxing, going to concerts alll the fucking time. :D I don't know when we'll be back, but whatever.

Love,
Brenan. <3

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Introduce The Selfish Machine

I had started to live on a sort of routine these past few weeks. Wake up, shower, cut, go out, come home, cut, get ready, go to a party, drink, smoke weed, do other kinds of drugs, come home, cut, drink some more, sleep.
I woke up this morning and went down to the kitchen. I opened an empty cabinet before shutting it. I got a glass of water before heading back upstairs and to the bathroom to shower. I stopped in front of the mirror. My clothes were hanging off of my too-thin body, my hair looked like shit, I had bags under my eyes, and cuts up and down my arms. I took my shower, got dressed, and headed out. I heard my phone ringing so I picked it up.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hey Breezy." Dawn cheered on the other end.
"Hey D. What's up?" I asked.
"You wanna hang out today mi amigo?" She asked.
"Sure deal, but I'm coming over to your house." I agreed.
"I'm not home. Come to the park-o across from the Curtis's place." She said before hanging up. I made my way to the park. I saw the Curtis's, the Cade's, Jamie, Blair, Carson, and 2/4 of the Brum-tards there. They were playing football. I got out of the car, pulled down the sleeves on my hoodie, and made my way over to everyone.
"Hey Dawn." I waved, she came over to me.
"What're you doing wearing a sweater silly? It feels good out today!" She smiled.
"I'm cold." I shook my head.
"Tard. Come play football with us." Dawn smiled, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to everyone.
"Okay, Bre, you can be on my team. We're team Awesome." Carson smiled. I laughed and went to stand by her. Everyone except for Brook was playing, because she can't play sports. xD
Anywhooo, so we played some football and blah blah blah.
Then me and Dawnold went for a walk. We talked about all kinds of stuff. And bonded. But then she told me that she wanted to get a divorce because she was going to marry Timothy now and I got sad. But she bought me chocolates to make up for it. <3

That's pretty much it. What a shitty post.

Love,
Brenan. <3>

What's So Good About Picking Up The Pieces? What If I Don't Even Want To..

"Fine! It's over! I hope you're fucking happy!" I screamed as Andrew walked away from me and to his car. I took off my ring and threw it across the room. It hit the window, bounced off, and landed somewhere in the corner. I didn't care about the damn thing anymore. I didn't care about anything that had to do with Andrew anymore.
I stormed up the stairs, and into the room we used to share. I noticed how empty the room was now, with all of his stuff gone. I bit my lip to hold back tears, but it didn't help. I broke down in the middle of the floor. Just days ago everything was perfect, but I didn't expect it to stay that way forever. But I would've liked it to have stayed that way for just a while longer.
After my crying fit I called Cristy and asked if she could come over, her words were slurred but at the moment I could care less. When she got to my house it was obvious that she was wasted. The half-empty bottle of Bacardi in her hand wouldn't help her much, but I didn't say anything.
"What's up Bre?" She slurred, sitting down and taking a swig.
"Andrew and I broke up." I tried to act chill but my voice cracked and I felt the tears in my eyes.
"I'm sorry Bre, what happened?" She asked, trying to grab my hand but missing it and letting hers fall back to her side.
Then I proceeded to tell her what happened. Andrew had snapped at me, saying he was tired of having to "prove" that he loved me even though I "cheat" and he's still around after everything I do to him. And when I told him sorry all he did was yell some more. "And so I told him we should just break up, he seemed so happy when I ended it. Maybe he never really loved me...maybe no one ever really loved me...and I'm stuck going through the same situation over and over again, never having a happy ending." I whispered, letting a few silent tears roll down my face. Then I thought of something. I hadn't done it in a while, and now I had this odd craving to feel a cool blade against my skin again. I looked over at Cris and noticed she was asleep on the couch now. I smiled, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
I went to the top drawer on the left side of the sink. I opened it and looked at all the different knives inside. I pulled one out and smiled at it. "You're a pretty one, aren't you?" I whispered, turning the blade in my hand, making it shine in the light. I felt like I was separated from myself, watching someone else take over my body and mind. Someone scary.
I went into the bathroom and sat on the counter. I pulled my sleeve up and looked at my arm, showing scars from old cuts. I brought the blade up, pressed it against my forearm, and drug it across, applying pressure the whole time. I pulled the blade away and smiled when fresh red blood rolled down my arm. I did a few more cuts on my arm, and then washed the blood off. I pulled my sleeve down and walked back into the kitchen, putting the knife in the sink. I woke Cris up and told her she could stay in the spare bedroom tonight. Then I got into bed....alone. I cried myself to sleep.

Love, Brenan.

but it's better if you do pt. 1

Earlier this week I had dinner with my dad and it was kind of…weird. It was really obvious that both he and Andrew were uncomfortable. They both seemed pretty relieved when dinner was over. I said goodbye to my dad and made sure he got to his car safely before going back into the house. Andrew was leaning against the wall, just looking at me.
“What?” I asked, looking myself up and down thinking maybe I had gotten something on my clothes.
“Nothing, you’re just really pretty.” He laughed, pushing himself off of the wall and walking upstairs. I followed him.
“What? You tell me I’m pretty and then just walk away?” I asked, following him up the stairs. He shrugged and looked back at me. He walked into our room and I followed him in. He walked past me and shut the door before attacking my lips with his. So this is what he wanted. I smiled and bit his lip ring.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I think you know what happens here)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I rolled over and smiled at Andrew, he smiled back. It was the first time we had fucked since we got married. I took his hand and started playing with his fingers.
“So, I’m guessing you don’t like my dad?” I asked, lacing my fingers with his.
“Well…it’s just weird, he’s never known about you, and he walks into your life suddenly. And you two are close, after just meeting each other, I mean. I’m not saying I don’t like him, I’m just saying I’m not used to the idea of you having a father.” He shrugged.
“Oh, I see. It just seemed like you were really uncomfortable at dinner.” I looked up at him. My stomach did little summersaults. It was always like that whenever he was around.
“Yeah, some people from work called me before dinner and I have a really dangerous job tomorrow morning.” He avoided my eyes. I sighed and rolled away from him. He grabbed me and pulled me back. “Hey, stop it. Bre please, look at me.”
I rolled over and looked at him. “Don’t go.” I whispered. “What if…something happens? You said it’s dangerous…I can’t lose you.”
“I have to do it Breanna, I’m sorry.” He whispered, touching my cheek. I got out of the bed and went to take a shower. I wasn’t going to look at him. Or talk to him. Or act like he even existed. I looked at the clock on the counter, 4:30 A.M. He would be leaving soon anyways.
After my shower it was 5:00 and Andrew was gone. I sighed and got ready; I did my hair and all that jazz. I didn't do much but I called Cristy and asked her if we could hang out this weekend. Andrew came home a few hours later and he was fine, so I quit ignoring him. Blah blah blah. there's gonna be a second part to this later. :s

Love, Brenangelo.

New Perspective

I looked through the cemetary. I hadn't been here since I was a kid. "Where are you Mom?" I whispered to myself, looking at all of the gravestones. Then I found hers, only some high-class looking man was standing there. I walked up to him and stood beside him.
"Who are you?" I asked, not looking at him.
"My name is Phillip Reynolds, I was in love with her, Rebecca, I mean." He replied, "What about you? Aren't you a bit young to know her?"
"She was my mother. My name is Breanna and I'm 18." I looked up at the man, I knew he was my father, I mean my real father. I could see similarites between us. "My father...he left, or maybe my mom left him...I don't know, but he wasn't there. We lived with Mr. Parker, he killed her, and abused me. His son and I took him to court, only the judge said..."
"That your last name is Reynolds, and not Parker?" He finished for me. I nodded. He walked me over to a bench not too far away. "Sit, and I'll explain everything." I sat down and he sat next to me. "We were going to get married, she was pregnant with you, we were both happy...more than happy, more like ecstatic. We both wanted to be married, and to have a child. But something changed...your mother left, I never loved anyone else."
"She never dated anyone, so I think she loved you too." I smiled. "She always said I reminded her of my father, of you."
"If I would have known that she had you, I would have been there. I wish I could have been there for you, instead of that god-awful Parker. He was always violent, I never liked him. He was such a low-life, I don't know how your mother put up with him. I never had problems with her other friends, the Brumley's, the Curtis's, the Randle's. In fact, I actually liked them. Of course it was wrong, or that's what my friends told me, they told me I should leave her. It wasn't acceptable for me to like a greaser. But I didn't care, I loved her, I still love her." He admitted, crossing his hands in his lap. I reached over and put my hand on his. He looked up at me and I just smiled.
"She loves you, too. And don't blame yourself for anything Mr. Parker did, it wasn't your fault. I took care of him anyways," I laughed a little, "But, if I could, I'd like to see you again, after all you are my father."
"You can come see me anytime, my door will always be open for you." He smiled. We exchanged numbers and hugs. I nervously played with my ring as we walked back to our cars. "What's that?" He asked, taking my hand and looking at my wedding ring. "You're married? You're only 18, you're too young! Who is the boy? Does he have a job?"
"Dad, chill." I laughed but stopped quickly, should I not have said Dad? He just smiled at the name, so I continued. "His name is Andrew, Andrew Brumley. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I love him. Yes, he has a job." I laced my hands together.
"I want to meet him." My dad looked serious.
"Really? Why?" I asked.
"I want to make sure he's good for you." He replied, standing behind me as I got in my car.
"Fine, you can meet him this weekend, I'll make dinner and you can come over. How does that sound?" I asked, looking up at him from inside the car.
"Sounds like a plan, I'll call you." He smiled, before walking to his car and leaving.
I drove home to find Andrew asleep on the couch. I walked over to him and took his hand, lacing my fingers through his. I sat down on the edge of the couch and pushed his stomach.
"Wake uuuuuup." I whispered in his ear. "Wake uuuuuuuuuuuuup." He didn't wake up. Faggot. "Wake the fuck up!" I yelled in his ear. He woke up, and he looked pissed off. "You look so cute when you sleep." I smiled. He just gave me a look and made room for me on the couch.
"Why'd you wake me up?" He asked, wrapping an arm around me.
"Well, if you must know. I met my father today. My real father. He's really nice, but he's like uber rich and Soc-ish. He wants to meet you this weekend..." I trailed off, looking at him with my puppy dog eyes. They won him over every time.
"Fine, I'll meet him." He sighed. "Do I have to dress up?" He asked. I nodded and he groaned. "Just be glad I love you, or I wouldn't be doing any of this." I smiled and kissed him.
"Thanks!"

Love, Brenan. <3

Prositution Is The Worlds Oldest Profession, and Dear Sir, I am a Professional. ;)

I looked around at all of the other girls on their poles. All of us wearing skimpy lingerie. I looked out at the guys scattered around the room. The strobe lights making their faces go in and out of focus. A few guys had bought me drinks and so I was a bit tipsy, but that just made it easier for me to do my job.

A familiar looking blonde guy was sitting in front of my pole, watching me. He motioned for me to come closer, so I did. He wasn't allowed to touch me anyways, after some incident with a girl a few months ago, the customers could look but not touch. As I got closer I realized that it was Andrew's friend, Brody.

"I didn't know you were a stripper, Breanna." He smirked, reaching out to grab my waist. He got a hold of me and pulled me in his lap. "How's about a lap dance?" He whispered against my neck. I pushed him away, he had started to get really creepy. He didn't want to let go of me though.

He continued to touch me and I tried to get away. "Hey doll, I just wanna have some fun before Andrew gets here."

"What do you mean?" I asked, maybe conversation would distract him.

"I invited him to hang out tonight, you know...get drunk and watch hot women strip. He was all for it. Maybe you should keep an eye on him." Brody smiled, moving to kiss me.

"I don't have anything to worry about." I shook my head. "He loves me, and only me. He told me."

"You ought to know by now, Miss Breanna, Andrew lies." Brody's face was too serious, he couldn't be making this up. "Now, how about we have some fun?" He started to kiss me. He was a good kisser, but I felt bad. What was I doing to Andrew?

"Get the fuck off of her Brody." I heard someone say behind us. But Brody didn't stop, he simply made the kiss more intense. I bit his lip and he cursed, pushing me away. I got out of his lap and bumped into Andrew. I started to say I was sorry but he gave me a look and pushed me away.

I watched as Andrew beat the shit out of Brody. Eventually the manager, some short fat guy who looked like he was in a mafia, came out to stop the fight.

"Breanna!" He yelled, motioning for me to come over to him. I sighed and walked over to him. "Do you know these two?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry Al. I'll take care of it." I nodded, knowing I'd get an earful later.

"You better. And don't let it happen again. Or you're fired." He threatened before going back into his office. I grabbed Andrew's arm and pulled him outside.

"What?" He asked, wiping some blood off of his face. He had a busted lip and a big gash across his cheek.

"Thanks a lot! I could have lost my job!" I yelled.

"Good. I hate your job!" He yelled back. He never yelled.

"That's too bad. I have to make money so we can afford our apartment, because you don't do anything!" I screamed.

"I have a job!" He yelled, running a hand through his hair. "But I can't tell you what it is, not here." He looked around. A lot of people were staring. He looked me up and down. I was still in my "work clothes".

"We can talk about this later....when I'm home." I sighed, shivering.
"Are you cold?" Andrew asked. I nodded and he slipped off his jacket, and handed it to me. I put it on and smiled at him.
"Bre, please, just quit your job." Andrew sighed, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Brody said you've been lying to me.." I looked at the ground. "Is he telling the truth?"
"No, god Breanna. I love you, why would I lie to you?" Andrew asked, looking rather annoyed.
"Then why'd he say you wanted to come here and watch hot girls strip?" I asked, feeling really stupid that I did.
"So I could keep an eye on him..and you, at the same time." He answered. I looked up at him.
"Keep an eye on me?" I asked. Why did he need to keep an eye on me?
"Well, you did kiss him before. I wanted to make sure you weren't cheating on me with some guy here." Andrew shrugged.
"I wouldn't cheat on you!" I yelled, suddenly really angry that he would even think I would cheat on him.
"Yeah, well, I don't know that. And you might. Look at your past." Andrew shrugged. That's about the time I reached up and slapped him across the face.
"You asshole!" I screamed, walking back into the club. I told Al I was quitting and then got my things and walked home. Andrew had already left anyways. He was probably really pissed that I hit him.
When I got back to my apartment he was in the living room with a few guys. I walked in and saw them give him money while he gave them some pills.
"Whats going on?" I asked, drawing attention to myself. One of the scarier looking guys looked up at me.
"Who's this Brumley?" He asked Andrew.
"Thats my wife, Breanna." He answered, he seemed a little afraid. "Bre, just go upstairs and I'll explain everything later..."
"No, why don't you stay Breanna." Another guy smiled. He wasn't as scary as the first guy. The look on Andrews face told me to go upstairs and not come out until they left.
"Whatcha got on underneath that jacket, Breanna?" The third guy asked. He looked about Andrews age and reminded me a lot of Kyle.
"Hey, aren't you that really great stripper from that club downtown?" The first guy asked again.
"Bre, go to our room. Now." Andrew ordered. I was about to leave the room and go upstairs when one of them stopped me.
"No, stay." The second guys voice sounded deadly. I swallowed and looked at him. He pointed to the couch. "Sit." I sat down and watched as they finished their drug deal.
"Now, sweetheart. You aren't going to tell anyone about this, are you?" the third guy asked. I shook my head and he smiled. "Good, you're too pretty to kill." and then all three of them left.
"God Breanna, you're so fucking stupid!" Andrew yelled. I sank back into the couch. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"
"I didn't know!" I yelled back. "Is that your job? Is that what you couldn't tell me about..?"
"Yes, I planned on telling you when you got home. Later." Andrew nodded.
"I quit my job," I mumbled, getting up and walking past him.
"What?" he asked, catching my arm and turning me around.
"I quit my job, because you asked me to." I answered.
"Really?" he asked. I nodded and ripped my arm away from him before going upstairs and falling asleep.

LOVE, BRENAN.

Don't Listen To The Voices In Your Head, Listen To Your Heart

Cristy and Jamie came over to my house at like 6 A.M. to get me ready for the wedding. I was pretty pissed off actually because I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep since I came home from the hospital. Anyways, when they woke me up Andrew was gone. Cristy had said he had gone to his house to get ready. They had to force me out of bed, because I was not getting up, even if it was my wedding day. Jamie and Cristy are really strong :(.
It took them like all day to get me ready, and in the end I looked really pretty. Jamie put me in the car and drove me to the church. and blah blah blah. When we got there Jamie and Cristy made me sit in the car while they checked to make sure Andrew wasn't near the door. Stupid superstitious stuff :s Anywho, they motioned for me to come in and I made my way out of the car and into the church. Everyone expect for Andrew was standing by the door. I was greeted by a chorus of "Bre you look amazing!" and "Andrew is so lucky!" I laughed and talked to everyone for a few minutes, then the priest whatever the fuck he's called came out and told us it was time for the wedding.
Since I don't have a dad, obviously, I asked Soda if he'd walk with me. He said yes :s. So Soda walked me into the chapel once the music started playing. The look on Andrew's face was priceless. I smiled, which made him smile too. I felt myself blush. Why was I blushing? xD
Soda walked me up to where Andrew was standing and I stood in front of him. [insert whatever happens during weddings right huuuur, cause i dont know what goes down during them :s]
Then the preacher guy said his shit, we said our vows, and before I knew it, it was time for me to say I do.
"Breanna, say I do." I heard Andrew whisper. I looked over at him and blushed.
"I do." I smiled, looking into his eyes. He smiled back and then the preacher said 'you may now kiss the bride.' Andrew didn't hesitate. It had been almost 24 hours since we had last kissed anyways :s. I'm pretty sure we would have had sex right there if someone hadn't coughed from behind Andrew xD.


At the reception everyone danced....or, grinded...I think that's considered dancing :s. Everyone drank too, except Blair...because she's going to birth another cute little nugget person :D. Anywho, I drank a lot, mostly because I could. I also wanted one night where I didn't have to think of anything that has happened this past week. So I drank and drank and drank.
"Bre," Andrew whispered in my ear.
"Andrew." I smiled back. We were dancing, it was nice.
"Let's leave and go back to our place, so we can be...alone." He whispered. I nodded and we slowly made our way out of Buck's place. Andrew drove us home, and the first thing I did when we got inside was take my dress off. I mean, sure, I looked pretty in it, but the thing weighed a ton and it was getting really uncomfortable.
"Whoa Bre, slow down." Andrew laughed.
"I wasn't doing that for you, pretty boy, so calm down." I rolled my eyes and headed upstairs, leaving my dress and my husband behind. Andrew ran up the stairs after me. I passed out as soon as I hit the bed. :) bler, this was going to be longer...but fuck it. :s

walk on water or drown.

Tonight, Andrew had some friends over for a football game. I think it was the Ravens vs. Steelers. Anyways, so this is pretty much how it went. A person would come in, Andrew would take them to the living room, and not even introduce them to me -.- lame. I sat in the kitchen on the counter, texting Cristy and watching DesAndNate videos on my laptop.
"Uhm, excuse me. I was wondering if —" I heard someone say behind me. So I put my computer on the counter and hopped down so I could see who I was talking to. There was this really hot guy in the middle of my kitchen.
"Uh, hi." I waved.
"Hi," he laughed. "I was wondering if there were anymore beers?"
"There should be some in here..." I said, opening the fridge. I found a six pack. I pulled it out and handed it to the guy. "Here ya go."
"My names Brody." he smiled.
"My names Breanna." I smiled back.
"It was nice to meet you, Breanna." and then he walked back out into the living room with the beer. So I went back to whatever I was doing. Maybe around twenty minutes later Brody was back.
"What do you need this time?" I asked, smiling.
"Chips." he smiled. I nodded and climbed onto the counter so I could reach the tallest cabinet. I pulled out a bag or two and handed them to him. "Thanks, you uh, need a hand coming down?" I nodded and he put the bags down before grabbing onto my waist and helping me down.
"Thanks." I blushed.
"No problem, Breanna." and then he went away again. I did my thing again, and played with Theodore a bit. And then about 20 more minutes later Brody was back again.
"What do you need?" I laughed.
"The games over and I just came to say goodbye." he shrugged.
"I'll probably see you again." I smiled.
"How about...tomorrow morning at The Waffle House?" he asked.
"What time?"
"Nine o'clock."
"Its a date." I smiled.
And then it happened, I don't know how it did, but it did. He was attacking my lips with his and I was enjoying it. He lifted me up and sat me down on the counter, kissing me the entire time. But we heard Andrew's voice on the way to the kitchen and we stopped.
"Hey Brody, what are you doing in here?" Andrew asked.
"I came to say bye to Breanna." Brody nodded in my direction.
"Oh, well, I'll see you next week?" Andrew asked. Brody nodded and waved goodbye in my direction before walking out of the house.
"I'm going to bed, goodnight." I smile to Andrew before walking to our room. I wanted to go to sleep early so I could wake up in time to meet Brody at The Waffle House.

LOVE,

THEODORE, YOU OWN MY HEART.

I woke up somewhere around midnight. I was having trouble sleeping. Probably nerves. I looked over at Andrew sleeping peacefully beside me and slid out of bed. I put on a pair of tight jeans, and a shirt that hardly covered anything. I slipped into my vans, and picked up my stilletos. I wasn't going to wake Andrew up with my clicking.
I got in my car and drove to Cristy's house. I knew where she hid the spare key so I kinda just..let myself in. I had changed shoes in the car so it was difficult for me to get up the stairs. I walked into Cris's room, and stood by her bed. She was sound asleep.
"This will be enjoyable." I smiled to myself as I walked back to the door, I got in a running position and then ran to the bed before flinging myself on top of Cristy. She woke up and started screaming and kicking. I got off the bed, I didn't want to get hurt.
"BREANNA LYNN.....FUCKING WHATEVER YOUR LAST NAME IS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Cristy yelled, rubbing her eyes and looking at me.
"Get dressed hoe, we're going out." I smiled, going down to the kitchen. God, I was starving. I munched on some goldfish before Cristy came downstairs.
"Where are we going?" Cristy asked, more awake now.
"I dunno, I'm really hungry. Wanna hit up The Waffle House?" I smiled. Cristy gave me a mean look before grabbing my keys off the counter and going out to my car.
"Do you really need me to go to The Waffle House with you? I'm pretty sure you can go on your own." Cristy looked at me over the top of the car.
"Yes, what if something bad happens like...like.." I couldn't think of anything bad that would happen at TWH. "Yes, you need to come with me." She sighed and we got up in the car and drove to The Waffle House. I got out and ran inside, followed by Cristy.
"How may I help you?" Some nerd I knew from school asked.
"Hey, I know you...you're um...um...what's your name again?" I asked, grabbing a menu.
"It says 'Harold'." Cristy smiled, pulling on his name-tag, making him bend closer so she could read it.
"Oh yeah, you're in my English class." I nodded, picking out what I wanted.
"You're in Honors English?" Harold asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Are you surprised, Harold? I'm actually really smart, and a really good writer, so you can suck my dick." I smiled.
"You seem...like an idiot, that's all. I never would've expected you to be in Honors English." He smirked.
"Well I would've expected you to work at The Waffle House, and have no other plans on a Friday night." I smiled. Lame come-back I know.
"It doesn't look like you have anything to do either." He smiled.
"I was having a good night, and just wanted some pancakes. You are ruining the good vibe, Harold. So just take our order, give it to the chef, then bring us whatever he prepares. And if you start anymore shit with me, I'll get someone to kick your scrawny ass. How does that sound?" I snapped. Then, we ordered >:). that's right, i took care of business.

After we finished at The Waffle House I wanted to go to the pet store, so guess what I did. I went to the pet store. I saw a kitty in there, and he was really cute, so I purchased him :s. I don't think Andrew minds kitties, :D. Then Cristy said it was probably time for her to head back to her homeland and so we said farewell. So I grabbed my kitty and drove home.
Andrew was up and pacing the floor when I walked in.
"Bre! Thank god you're okay, where have you been?" Andrew asked, hugging me.
"I was hungry, so I went to The Waffle House with Cristy, got in an arguement with a nerd, and OH. I bought a cat!" I held up my kitty. He was in his cute little blue kitty carrier. I just wanted to squeeze him he was so cute :s.
"You left in the middle of the night, to go eat some pancakes, hang out with Cristy, fight with a nerd, and buy a cat?" Andrew asked.
"Correction my dear, waffles, and yes." I nodded, holding up my kitty again.
"Might as well name the cat then." Andrew sighed. We walked up to our room and sat on the bed.
"I was thinking Theodore.." I smiled, getting the kitten out of the carrier and sitting him in my lap.
"Whatever you want baby." Andrew laughed, laying down again.
"Theodore it is then." I smiled, cuddling with the kitty.
"Come on, go to sleep." Andrew laughed, pulling me down beside him.

THE END.

LOVE,

Brenan. <3>

Breanna and Cristy's Best Friend Day

Today, me and my mcmuffin were all like "yo, we need to have a best friend day!" so that's what we did. it basically started out as us calling up her tour friends and talking for like 394078230498358230958309480932829083 hours about nothing. then after that, we decided to go to jamie's house and make fun of her. that was pretty intense.
then we went to carson's house and creeped on her. we sat in her bushes and looked in through the windows. she was watching porn. O.o
then cristy was all like "lets go buy you maternity clothes." and i was all like "no man, i dont wanna wear pregger people pants." but then she forced me to go into the store and try on pants. :( i ended up buying a pair or two...or five.
then we went back to cristays house and chilled on her couch. a magical knock on the door interrupted our silence. i jumped up and answered it. i was greeted by alexander william and jackary bassam :3.
"BREANNA!" alex was all yelling like. then he gave me a hug. it was enjoyable.
"CRISTY!" jack tackled cristay in a sexual embrace.
we chilled with them for a while...watching movies and...stuff ;). and then they had to go so me and cristy were left alone, yet again.
"LETS PLAY A GAME." "no." "YES." "no cristy. i don't like games." "YES YOU DO. I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE. WHORE!" "meanie." "PLAY A GAME WITH ME." "fine." so theeeeeeeeeeeeeen cristy got out candyland. now, i blow at that game >:(. so i think cristy picked that one on purpose.
she won. like 7 times. i lost...like 7 times :(.
then after the game, she wanted me to stay the night. so i did.
we fell asleep. and she had her hand on my pregnant stomach. -.-

PURPLE.

love, brenan.

New Tattoos :D

i was reeeeally bored today and was like, why not get some new tat's? So I got in my car and drove all the way to the tattoo parlor and went inside and was all like "Yo, Brundon, I need some tattoos homie!" since me and the feller that works there are like this (imagine me doing that thing where i cross my fingers to show how close we are) now :D. so he took me to the back room and I showed him the tat's I wanted and he was like "yo, those are super cool and totally like you brenan." and then got to work. it's real relaxin' shit, getting a tattoo. so i shall put pictures up somewhere around here.