You Are My Only One

I woke up, sweat was dripping off of my forehead, making my bangs stick to the sides of my face. I sighed and pushed them away, got out of the bed, and went into the bathroom to look at myself. I looked at the clock first, 1 A.M.. I groaned and washed my face, there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, I wouldn't be able to. I had yet another nightmare. That's my seventh since I've been here.
I was a trainwreck. I was still losing weight, yet my mind was still telling me I was fat. Not to mention, I was cutting again. I looked in the mirror, picking out my flaws. My thighs were too big, my face was hideous, I was too fat. I ran my fingers over the cuts on my left arm. I turned away from the mirror, ashamed of myself. I put on a hoodie and grabbed my phone, then left to go find Mason.
He had become a good friend of mine, and ever since I started having nightmares he was there for me. I knocked on the door to his dorm, but no one answered. I knocked again, still no one answered, so I got the spare key and unlocked the door, walking into the room. There was one bunk bed, and two small single beds in the room. There were clothes all over the floor, and it smelled like cologne. I found Mason's bed and sat down on it. It barely shifted under my 90 pound body. I shook Mace awake.
He opened his eyes and looked at me, he just nodded knowingly and got up. He threw on a pair of sneakers and we headed out of the dorm. Every time I had a nightmare we went down to this little coffeeshop that was just up the street from the campus. We would sit in the booth in the front of the shop, and drink coffee. Today was no different.
I sat down in the booth while Mace went to get the coffee. He came back and set the coffee's down on the table, then flipped his blonde hair out of his eyes and smiled at me, sitting down.
"So, what was it about this time?" He asked, putting some creamer and sugar in his coffee. I closed my eyes and thought about it. All I could see was his face.
"I can't remember," I lied, putting sugar in my coffee. He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Really?" He laughed. I just smiled back and sipped on my coffee, staring out the window. The rest of the morning was spent in silence. At 6:00, when the sun started coming up, we headed back to the dorms.
"Thanks Mace," I smiled, standing in front of the door to Jamie's dorm. "For everything."
"Hey, no problem Bre." He smiled, pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back, but let go quickly.
"I should probably get inside..." I mumbled, opening the door and walking in. I didn't look to see if Mace was still there, I just slammed the door shut. The girl's were already up, so it didn't matter.
"Hey Bre, where were you?" Jamie asked, walking out of the bathroom.
"I went to get coffee." I replied, sitting down on the bed.
"Bre, are you okay?" Jamie asked, sitting beside me. It was such a simple question. But I couldn't answer it, because I wasn't fine, but I wasn't about to tell Jamie that.
"Yeah, just tired." I nodded, getting under the covers and pretending to fall asleep.
I waited for everyone to leave before I went through my bag, I was about to give up until I found it, I pulled out the ring and stared at it. I felt my heart contract as I held back tears. I choked once before I gave up and let the tears roll down my cheeks.
I curled up in a ball and just cried. I thought about how he was back in Tulsa, and how he probably had a new girlfriend that treated him right, and how he probably didn't even remember me. I thought about how I was sitting here, crying, because I couldn't forget him. Because I didn't really mean anything to him, but he was everything to me. I let myself get attatched too easily. I'm my own worst enemy.
So I sat there, all day, letting myself recall every little memory, to the point where I was using every bit of my energy to cry, and then eventually, when I was out of energy, I would fall asleep. But I knew I would wake up soon, due to another nightmare.

Love, Breanna Lynn Parker.