Moving Out. Part 2: Packing. lol

Today I decided it was a good day to move to Cristy's. So I started to get my stuff packed, but in the middle of packing Jamie called me. She said she was tired of being around Blair and Shep so she wanted to hang out. I told her that was fine but she'd have to help me pack. And apparently Blair and Shep are pretty bad cuz a few minutes later she showed up at Mark's house and started to help me pack. I had a lot of shit piled up in my closet. I had reaaally old stuff in there, I found my old teddy bear that I blamed Mark for losing at the park. I need to apologize to him for that. I also found some of my moms old pictures. There were so many, I saw baby me and baby Mark. And my dad, when he wasnt a druggie/alcoholic. We were a happy family, my mommy loved me. I miss her so much. I never really thought about her all that much until I found that box of pictures. It tore me apart inside to be honest. I had never thought about how she had tried to keep me and Mark safe, how she tried to fight back the night my dad killed her. How she told me and Mark to run. And how she had to plead with me when I didnt run.

To be honest, that night....I didnt want to run. Running away from my dad wasnt gonna save me, it wasnt going to save her, it wasnt going to fix the problem. And if I did run away from my dad, I wouldve ran away from my mother too, and I wasnt going to leave her there. I had wanted to fight my dad, to save my mom. Mark ran, I never understood why he ran. My dad had never really hurt him, just a few slaps. My dad liked to hurt me, he liked to beat me...rape me. Hurt me. Physically and emotionally. I remember my dad laughing as he killed my mom, maybe it was the control he thought he had at that moment, maybe it was the tears that were streaming down my face. Maybe it was because Mark was gone, and Mark was the only one who could have stopped him from hurting me, that night more than just my mom getting killed occured. My dad beat me and raped me. I never told anyone, I was a little scared.

I put the stuff away before I started crying and cleared my head. Jamie had been watching me the whole time. She said wow and I asked what she was talking about. Apparently I had said the whole thing out loud. "I didnt know all of that stuff happened to you Bre, I didnt know your mom was dead, you and Mark never talked about your parents." She hugged me and then we finished packing my stuff. It took like 5 trips to get all of it to the car. I pretty much took my whole room, minus the bed and dressers and stuff. We drove to Cristy's house and she helped us take the stuff inside. My room is right across the hall from hers. So if I get scared at night I can go sleep with her :3

I like living with my best friend, my PIC, my other half XD She is always there for me. (: I'm glad she was there for me this time. But I think, tomorrow, I'm going to go visit my dad. I intend on making him hurt...like I did for all those years. After I do that, I'm gonna go see my mom's grave. I think I'm just gonna sit there for a few hours, and tell her how I'm doing. Maybe reminisce on memories. But tonight, I'm gonna party with my best friend. ♥